Post by trippthezelda on Apr 8, 2008 17:09:46 GMT -5
Found under piles of hentai in ttz's room, the [glow=red,2,300]Anime Laws of Physics[/glow] are finally revieled!
Main Characters, Villains, and General (F)laws
1. The more retarded a plan is, the more likely it is to work. (ex. Naruto)
*1. If a plan is talked about beforehand, it will never work.
*2. In the event that a plan is talked about beforehand, the entire plan will be scrapped moments before it is put into motion and will be replaced by an improvisational plan that always works no matter what.
2. In cooperation with the first law, the antagonist always has a genius plan that fails.
3. When a character gains the possession of a giant robot, they immediately know how to control it without prior training. (ex. Evangelion)
4. The longer the series continues, the stronger enemies get exponentially. (ex. Dragonball Z)
5. Villains either are butt-ugly monsters or gay dudes. Certain exceptions are an amalgamation of both. (esp. InuYasha)
*1. The bad guy has fan girls. Unless Especially if he's a transvestite.
6. The main character is small and wimpy-looking, only to hold a tremendous secret power usually explained to him by a wise old person. (ex. Dragonball Z except this applies to the Villains )
7. The quicker someone dies off, the more likely they are not really dead. (ex. Bleach)
8. Getting stabbed multiple times only kills you if you are unimportant. Remember that, Kazuya.
*1. Additionally, unimportant characters NEVER get into fights. If they do, they are beaten easily.
9. When a character performs an attack, they MUST yell out it's name, therefore giving their opponent the obvious advantage of knowing what they're going to do, but never doing what they can do to prevent or counter it. If they don't yell out the name, it doesn't count because that's cheating.
*1. This was first used in popular anime The Bible, in which main character (who, of course has a mysterious power that he cannot control) God, unleashes his signiature move 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!!!'
*2. Unless the move is shit or improvised, eg. suddenly punching the character so hard in the balls that 30 youtube movies were made into it
10. The louder said character shouts the name of an attack, the more powerful that attack will be. (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
11. No matter how long the preparation to an attack, and no matter how many spangly things are created, the preparation cannot be interrupted before it is complete. The attack is permitted to miss however. (ex. Sailor Moon)
*1. If this is due to some unwritten warriors code, or just stupidity, is yet to be determined.
12. The magical tools necessary to kill someone are commonplace. (ex. Death Note)
13. Internal monologues and/or long emotional conversations may never be interrupted, even if they take place in the middle of world-deciding battles.
14. When in doubt, scream loudly and sacrifice yourself to have no effect on the enemy.(ex. Dragon Ball Z)
15. If the main character has something everyone else has, the main character's is much more powerful and useful. (ex. Digimon)
16. The antagonist dismisses the main character(s) as a minor annoyance, but never suspect them to have superpowers and might even go so far as to pass up the opportunity to kill or maim him/her on several occasions.
17. There are samurai and ninjas. At least one of each. Or else.
18. There will always be a point at which the protagonist is shot down by a bullet, missile, or, in the case of the End of Evangelion, gigantic naked lady that wants to merge with the world. At this point, peaceful Latin music will play for many minutes as the protagonist (or his robot, in the case of Neon Genesis Evangelion and the Gundam series,) falls to the ground in slow motion.
19. If a male character has pink hair, he is either homosexual or bisexual. This does not apply to the protagonist, unless it is a yaoi. No other hair colors apply.
20. If a character's hair is hiding some disfiguring mark, laser beam, etc, no amount of force will move that characters hair until permitted. (ex. Descendants of Darkness)
21. You may not start owning the bad guy until the cool music starts (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
22. The more an enemy brags about easily owning the hero, the easier that enemy will be defeated.
23. Before the final showdown between the protagonist and the antagonist, they stare at each other for at least 30+ minutes and review how they got where they are and what they are about to do (in case you missed the entire season). Meanwhile, the other minor characters stand patiently off to the side commenting on the two characters that we actually give a damn about.
24. The main character has some outrageously powerful ability that no one else has, but is unable to control it.
25. No matter how powerful an enemy is, the protagonist simply powers up using emotional memories until he is able to defeat him.
26. The protagonist is allowed to teleport large distances in order to save secondary characters from giant fucking monsters. (ex. Bleach, Inuyasha)
*1. This is also applied to all and any other character (possibly the antagonist as well) that may be in the scene.
**1. If anyone dies or vanishes because of the protagonist, he/she will go into a state of depression which will make him/her the weakest character in the show and absolutely useless. (ex. Bleach)
27. The protagonist is able to show physical characteristics of exhaustion and wounds, but is not affected by them. In fact, the power of the protagonist rises as he becomes more exhausted. (ex. Bleach, YuYu Hakusho)
28. Bandages seem to heal everything, no matter how deep the wound, except if they lose a limb which is soon to be reattached, replaced or healed by a side character (none of the protagonist ever have uber healing powers)
*1. However, as an equal and opposite reaction to this, when you are attacked you always bleed from the mouth. Punched in the stomach? Blood from the mouth. Stabbed in the shoulder? Blood from the mouth. (eg. Naruto, especially Bleach
29. There is too be no attacking a villain while completely vulnerable while He is in the middle transforming from a weaker from into a much more powerful form. The protagonists must simply stand and watch the Villain's Transformation take place, and Visa Versa. (ex. Dragonball Z )
30. Antagonists that seem too cool to be villians, survive a huge motherfucking attack by the main character or is defeated by the main character and the main character seems to have something more important to do than finish off the guy that has left him with a huge fucking gash or mortal wound (which is soon to be heal by bandages or what not), seems to join sides with the main character or the main character joins the antagonist's side which ends up being the good side (through several confusing plots and random chains of events). (ex. Bleach, Dragon Ball Z)
31. Both main characters posesse equal intellegence. One will think of a genius plan and do his best to keep the genius plan a secret only to have the other character think of the plan several seconds, minutes, or an hour later thus making the plan useless. (ex. Death Note)
32. When it comes to an antagonist group, each member must have a certain unquie, bizzare, or just plain disgusting quality that sets them apart from the other members. They also must wear the same matching outfit, should paint their fingernails a different color, and wear a ring on a different finger each no matter how girly it makes them look. It shouldn't matter though because each member will gain a large number of fangirls no matter how creepy they look. Oh and weird hair and strangley colored eyes also help too. (ex. Naruto)
33. Both the protagonist and antagonist can wield incredibly large and heavy looking weapons despite posessing no muscle mass whatsoever. (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
34. Characters will ignore more powerful weapons dropped by the enemy if thier current weapon defeated said enemy
35. Revenge always is intended by main character (or side character that has a crap load of screen time), but is held back by friends, no matter how just the scenario may be, by which point the main character will become a completely depressed emo homosexual. The revenge plans end up failing for a reason, (if commenced against friends' wills), too gay to even explain in the plot line properly, (ex. Trigun).
Women and Love
1. An ascendant hot air current is always present where miniskirts are. A descending cold air current is present where breasts are.
2. Female characters cannot wear more than a miniskirt and school uniform, (See schoolgirls) UNLESS they're in a cat suit (OR ELSE).
3. A woman's breast size is determined by math, whereas h equals head size and b equals breast size. That is LAW.
4. Women fall in love with guys who are in yaoi. Listen up, you won't get with them. They're gay.
5. Women experience puberty at 5 years old.
6. Women walk around in the nude together if they're in a women-only facility.
7. If men see them while they're nude (which will be likely to happen), women can punch men so hard that they are thrown into the stratosphere, (no matter how incredibly powerful they are in combat) then fall down and only obtain minor bruises (ex. Love Hina). Interestingly, ballistic properties are not taken into account, so that the aforementioned male character is always back by the next key frame, even though he traveled a few tens of miles in a random direction.
8. The main character and the traditional female companion ALWAYS start off enemies (or innocently and shyly not liking each other so as not to expose their real feelings for each other) and will end up falling in love.
9. If, at any point, a man (even a gay man, in some cases) sees a naked woman, he will come down with an instant and explosive nosebleed. the amount of blood and the energy released by said blood depends on how many women there are, how naked they are, how large their breasts are, and how inconvenient it is for the main character to have a nosebleed at that precise moment and/or how funny the situation is. This law doesn't apply to lesbians. Also no matter how much blood appears to be pouring from the characters nose, not a single trace of it is present after said incident.
10. In any situation where a male character is supposed to avoid touching the breasts of a a female, he will be drawn to them whether or not he desires to touch them, in a magnetic effect similar to a lodestone's attractive properties. This results in name-calling (i.e, pervert, lecher, etc.), and/or some form of savage beating.
11. Every woman finds the male lead incredibly attractive, with the exception of the aforementioned traditional female companion (ex. Negima!).
12. No matter how strong a male character is, he will always be beaten by his female counterpart (ex. Ranma 1/2).
13. If the protagonist is a nerd like you, the female counterpart is a space alien who has been unexposed to any Earthly themes ever. (ex. Onegai Teacher).
14. There is no such thing as ugly, or even just average looking women. Ever.
15. Women are either
*1. Naggy and hot
*2. Helpless and hot
*3. Horny and hot (though there are very few. They don't want to be too obvious.")
16. In addition, Women may also be:
*1. Shy and hot
*2. Murderous and hot
*3. Austere and Hot
*4. Or any combination of up to 3 of the above 6
17. When a tough tomboy girl dresses in a girly fashion (to enter a contest) and trains in lady's manner, she will loathe everything she does, but eventually find that such feminine content isn't bad at all. She will either win the beauty contest hands-down or be in a tie with a nameless woman who will be introduced into the cast after she barely loses the competition.
*1. After the contest, the tomboy girl will adopt a feminine trinket worn from the contest for many episodes to come, sometimes even the entire series.
*2. This is contrast to American Animation, where tomboy girls look extremely silly in a dress. They risk everything the lead cast has ever done to enter the contest, and win hands-down.
18. If a woman is even remotely undesirable, she is evil. This also applies to women who are extremely desirable.
19. In most ancient cultures, it is a custom to rip a big-breasted woman's shirt open at least once every fifteen minutes. (ex. Tenjho Tenge)
20. A girl who wear glasses will gain unrivaled beauty when she removes them.
*1. This girl is subject to personality changes, from creepy nerd to shy, kind, and sweet chick (i.e. Gundam Wing). Note that this law only applies to a good girl; evil girls still gain the unrivaled beauty but have an even more devious personality.
21. An alien can be incredibly beautiful by human standards. Especially if the heroine is alien, she will look like a typical Japanese school girl, even if the rest of her kind look like relatives of Cthulhu. (ex. Eureka Seven)
22. In mecha anime, the underage girl pilot always has a unique mech. This is partially because said girl has exceptional skills or special abilities, but mostly because it will please the audience.
23. If a girl has a brother anywhere in the series, there will be 10-45% chance of incest. This statistic is increased to 95% if she has a long lost brother or a brother she hasn't seen for, like, 16 years. This chance is further increased to 125% if it is explicitly stated the siblings are not blood related. (ex. Onegai Twins, Koi Kaze)
24. Women are 200% of the normal human being.
*1. They are 150% pornography and 50% PMS.
25. No matter what she's accused of doing or how mysterious her origins are, the hero will always be ready to fight to the death for any girl he met three seconds ago.
*1. In conjuncture with this, any woman will do anything for a guy if he is remotely attractive, has done something for her, and/or has good looking siblings (Like Kagome. We all know you're only after Inuyasha to get at Sesshomaru. Guys with only one arm turn you on.).
26. To expand upon the subtext for the aforementioned law, the woman in question may fall in love with a super nerd with a god complex and worship him as if he were a god for killing the person that killed her family. She will then proceed to risk everything to meet him. In fact, she is so in love with him that she has no problem being used by him like a tool and is willing to allow him to kill her just to show how much she loves him despite the fact the man really IS using her and plans to kill her off later on. (ex. Death Note)
27. Anything created by humans, that may or may not be human, will be female. In conjuncture with this, she (If you can call what was created a she. Yes, you can.) will also become a main plot point for the story to revolve around and the main character, supposing it is not the thing which was created, will fall in love with her. (ex. Chobits, Wolf's Rain) In some cases, though there is no recorded evidence of this yet, the feelings reciprocated by the main character may not be returned.
28. All females will at one point turn up in hentai. Rule 34.
29. If a girl is part of the active main cast, all of her gear will be pink and/or girl themed (ex. Power Rangers, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Pokemon)
30. Women are either there to be rescued of blood fueled killing machines. They can make the transition from one to the other between episodes (ex. Hellsing).
Main Characters, Villains, and General (F)laws
1. The more retarded a plan is, the more likely it is to work. (ex. Naruto)
*1. If a plan is talked about beforehand, it will never work.
*2. In the event that a plan is talked about beforehand, the entire plan will be scrapped moments before it is put into motion and will be replaced by an improvisational plan that always works no matter what.
2. In cooperation with the first law, the antagonist always has a genius plan that fails.
3. When a character gains the possession of a giant robot, they immediately know how to control it without prior training. (ex. Evangelion)
4. The longer the series continues, the stronger enemies get exponentially. (ex. Dragonball Z)
5. Villains either are butt-ugly monsters or gay dudes. Certain exceptions are an amalgamation of both. (esp. InuYasha)
*1. The bad guy has fan girls. Unless Especially if he's a transvestite.
6. The main character is small and wimpy-looking, only to hold a tremendous secret power usually explained to him by a wise old person. (ex. Dragonball Z except this applies to the Villains )
7. The quicker someone dies off, the more likely they are not really dead. (ex. Bleach)
8. Getting stabbed multiple times only kills you if you are unimportant. Remember that, Kazuya.
*1. Additionally, unimportant characters NEVER get into fights. If they do, they are beaten easily.
9. When a character performs an attack, they MUST yell out it's name, therefore giving their opponent the obvious advantage of knowing what they're going to do, but never doing what they can do to prevent or counter it. If they don't yell out the name, it doesn't count because that's cheating.
*1. This was first used in popular anime The Bible, in which main character (who, of course has a mysterious power that he cannot control) God, unleashes his signiature move 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!!!'
*2. Unless the move is shit or improvised, eg. suddenly punching the character so hard in the balls that 30 youtube movies were made into it
10. The louder said character shouts the name of an attack, the more powerful that attack will be. (ex. Dragon Ball Z)
11. No matter how long the preparation to an attack, and no matter how many spangly things are created, the preparation cannot be interrupted before it is complete. The attack is permitted to miss however. (ex. Sailor Moon)
*1. If this is due to some unwritten warriors code, or just stupidity, is yet to be determined.
12. The magical tools necessary to kill someone are commonplace. (ex. Death Note)
13. Internal monologues and/or long emotional conversations may never be interrupted, even if they take place in the middle of world-deciding battles.
14. When in doubt, scream loudly and sacrifice yourself to have no effect on the enemy.(ex. Dragon Ball Z)
15. If the main character has something everyone else has, the main character's is much more powerful and useful. (ex. Digimon)
16. The antagonist dismisses the main character(s) as a minor annoyance, but never suspect them to have superpowers and might even go so far as to pass up the opportunity to kill or maim him/her on several occasions.
17. There are samurai and ninjas. At least one of each. Or else.
18. There will always be a point at which the protagonist is shot down by a bullet, missile, or, in the case of the End of Evangelion, gigantic naked lady that wants to merge with the world. At this point, peaceful Latin music will play for many minutes as the protagonist (or his robot, in the case of Neon Genesis Evangelion and the Gundam series,) falls to the ground in slow motion.
19. If a male character has pink hair, he is either homosexual or bisexual. This does not apply to the protagonist, unless it is a yaoi. No other hair colors apply.
20. If a character's hair is hiding some disfiguring mark, laser beam, etc, no amount of force will move that characters hair until permitted. (ex. Descendants of Darkness)
21. You may not start owning the bad guy until the cool music starts (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
22. The more an enemy brags about easily owning the hero, the easier that enemy will be defeated.
23. Before the final showdown between the protagonist and the antagonist, they stare at each other for at least 30+ minutes and review how they got where they are and what they are about to do (in case you missed the entire season). Meanwhile, the other minor characters stand patiently off to the side commenting on the two characters that we actually give a damn about.
24. The main character has some outrageously powerful ability that no one else has, but is unable to control it.
25. No matter how powerful an enemy is, the protagonist simply powers up using emotional memories until he is able to defeat him.
26. The protagonist is allowed to teleport large distances in order to save secondary characters from giant fucking monsters. (ex. Bleach, Inuyasha)
*1. This is also applied to all and any other character (possibly the antagonist as well) that may be in the scene.
**1. If anyone dies or vanishes because of the protagonist, he/she will go into a state of depression which will make him/her the weakest character in the show and absolutely useless. (ex. Bleach)
27. The protagonist is able to show physical characteristics of exhaustion and wounds, but is not affected by them. In fact, the power of the protagonist rises as he becomes more exhausted. (ex. Bleach, YuYu Hakusho)
28. Bandages seem to heal everything, no matter how deep the wound, except if they lose a limb which is soon to be reattached, replaced or healed by a side character (none of the protagonist ever have uber healing powers)
*1. However, as an equal and opposite reaction to this, when you are attacked you always bleed from the mouth. Punched in the stomach? Blood from the mouth. Stabbed in the shoulder? Blood from the mouth. (eg. Naruto, especially Bleach
29. There is too be no attacking a villain while completely vulnerable while He is in the middle transforming from a weaker from into a much more powerful form. The protagonists must simply stand and watch the Villain's Transformation take place, and Visa Versa. (ex. Dragonball Z )
30. Antagonists that seem too cool to be villians, survive a huge motherfucking attack by the main character or is defeated by the main character and the main character seems to have something more important to do than finish off the guy that has left him with a huge fucking gash or mortal wound (which is soon to be heal by bandages or what not), seems to join sides with the main character or the main character joins the antagonist's side which ends up being the good side (through several confusing plots and random chains of events). (ex. Bleach, Dragon Ball Z)
31. Both main characters posesse equal intellegence. One will think of a genius plan and do his best to keep the genius plan a secret only to have the other character think of the plan several seconds, minutes, or an hour later thus making the plan useless. (ex. Death Note)
32. When it comes to an antagonist group, each member must have a certain unquie, bizzare, or just plain disgusting quality that sets them apart from the other members. They also must wear the same matching outfit, should paint their fingernails a different color, and wear a ring on a different finger each no matter how girly it makes them look. It shouldn't matter though because each member will gain a large number of fangirls no matter how creepy they look. Oh and weird hair and strangley colored eyes also help too. (ex. Naruto)
33. Both the protagonist and antagonist can wield incredibly large and heavy looking weapons despite posessing no muscle mass whatsoever. (ex. Naruto, Bleach)
34. Characters will ignore more powerful weapons dropped by the enemy if thier current weapon defeated said enemy
35. Revenge always is intended by main character (or side character that has a crap load of screen time), but is held back by friends, no matter how just the scenario may be, by which point the main character will become a completely depressed emo homosexual. The revenge plans end up failing for a reason, (if commenced against friends' wills), too gay to even explain in the plot line properly, (ex. Trigun).
Women and Love
1. An ascendant hot air current is always present where miniskirts are. A descending cold air current is present where breasts are.
2. Female characters cannot wear more than a miniskirt and school uniform, (See schoolgirls) UNLESS they're in a cat suit (OR ELSE).
3. A woman's breast size is determined by math, whereas h equals head size and b equals breast size. That is LAW.
4. Women fall in love with guys who are in yaoi. Listen up, you won't get with them. They're gay.
5. Women experience puberty at 5 years old.
6. Women walk around in the nude together if they're in a women-only facility.
7. If men see them while they're nude (which will be likely to happen), women can punch men so hard that they are thrown into the stratosphere, (no matter how incredibly powerful they are in combat) then fall down and only obtain minor bruises (ex. Love Hina). Interestingly, ballistic properties are not taken into account, so that the aforementioned male character is always back by the next key frame, even though he traveled a few tens of miles in a random direction.
8. The main character and the traditional female companion ALWAYS start off enemies (or innocently and shyly not liking each other so as not to expose their real feelings for each other) and will end up falling in love.
9. If, at any point, a man (even a gay man, in some cases) sees a naked woman, he will come down with an instant and explosive nosebleed. the amount of blood and the energy released by said blood depends on how many women there are, how naked they are, how large their breasts are, and how inconvenient it is for the main character to have a nosebleed at that precise moment and/or how funny the situation is. This law doesn't apply to lesbians. Also no matter how much blood appears to be pouring from the characters nose, not a single trace of it is present after said incident.
10. In any situation where a male character is supposed to avoid touching the breasts of a a female, he will be drawn to them whether or not he desires to touch them, in a magnetic effect similar to a lodestone's attractive properties. This results in name-calling (i.e, pervert, lecher, etc.), and/or some form of savage beating.
11. Every woman finds the male lead incredibly attractive, with the exception of the aforementioned traditional female companion (ex. Negima!).
12. No matter how strong a male character is, he will always be beaten by his female counterpart (ex. Ranma 1/2).
13. If the protagonist is a nerd like you, the female counterpart is a space alien who has been unexposed to any Earthly themes ever. (ex. Onegai Teacher).
14. There is no such thing as ugly, or even just average looking women. Ever.
15. Women are either
*1. Naggy and hot
*2. Helpless and hot
*3. Horny and hot (though there are very few. They don't want to be too obvious.")
16. In addition, Women may also be:
*1. Shy and hot
*2. Murderous and hot
*3. Austere and Hot
*4. Or any combination of up to 3 of the above 6
17. When a tough tomboy girl dresses in a girly fashion (to enter a contest) and trains in lady's manner, she will loathe everything she does, but eventually find that such feminine content isn't bad at all. She will either win the beauty contest hands-down or be in a tie with a nameless woman who will be introduced into the cast after she barely loses the competition.
*1. After the contest, the tomboy girl will adopt a feminine trinket worn from the contest for many episodes to come, sometimes even the entire series.
*2. This is contrast to American Animation, where tomboy girls look extremely silly in a dress. They risk everything the lead cast has ever done to enter the contest, and win hands-down.
18. If a woman is even remotely undesirable, she is evil. This also applies to women who are extremely desirable.
19. In most ancient cultures, it is a custom to rip a big-breasted woman's shirt open at least once every fifteen minutes. (ex. Tenjho Tenge)
20. A girl who wear glasses will gain unrivaled beauty when she removes them.
*1. This girl is subject to personality changes, from creepy nerd to shy, kind, and sweet chick (i.e. Gundam Wing). Note that this law only applies to a good girl; evil girls still gain the unrivaled beauty but have an even more devious personality.
21. An alien can be incredibly beautiful by human standards. Especially if the heroine is alien, she will look like a typical Japanese school girl, even if the rest of her kind look like relatives of Cthulhu. (ex. Eureka Seven)
22. In mecha anime, the underage girl pilot always has a unique mech. This is partially because said girl has exceptional skills or special abilities, but mostly because it will please the audience.
23. If a girl has a brother anywhere in the series, there will be 10-45% chance of incest. This statistic is increased to 95% if she has a long lost brother or a brother she hasn't seen for, like, 16 years. This chance is further increased to 125% if it is explicitly stated the siblings are not blood related. (ex. Onegai Twins, Koi Kaze)
24. Women are 200% of the normal human being.
*1. They are 150% pornography and 50% PMS.
25. No matter what she's accused of doing or how mysterious her origins are, the hero will always be ready to fight to the death for any girl he met three seconds ago.
*1. In conjuncture with this, any woman will do anything for a guy if he is remotely attractive, has done something for her, and/or has good looking siblings (Like Kagome. We all know you're only after Inuyasha to get at Sesshomaru. Guys with only one arm turn you on.).
26. To expand upon the subtext for the aforementioned law, the woman in question may fall in love with a super nerd with a god complex and worship him as if he were a god for killing the person that killed her family. She will then proceed to risk everything to meet him. In fact, she is so in love with him that she has no problem being used by him like a tool and is willing to allow him to kill her just to show how much she loves him despite the fact the man really IS using her and plans to kill her off later on. (ex. Death Note)
27. Anything created by humans, that may or may not be human, will be female. In conjuncture with this, she (If you can call what was created a she. Yes, you can.) will also become a main plot point for the story to revolve around and the main character, supposing it is not the thing which was created, will fall in love with her. (ex. Chobits, Wolf's Rain) In some cases, though there is no recorded evidence of this yet, the feelings reciprocated by the main character may not be returned.
28. All females will at one point turn up in hentai. Rule 34.
29. If a girl is part of the active main cast, all of her gear will be pink and/or girl themed (ex. Power Rangers, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Pokemon)
30. Women are either there to be rescued of blood fueled killing machines. They can make the transition from one to the other between episodes (ex. Hellsing).
